Let me tell you a story

I broke down crying on the steps of Marsh Hall. She put her arms around me and told me everything would be okay. In that moment I wasn't sure I believed her, because really what did she know?  Honestly, I felt like my life was over. All the plans, all the dreams...gone. I walked in a daze to my apartment. My vision of life was left behind me in a trail of tears. There wasn't anyone to blame, but myself.

Standing at my window watching the world rushing by unaware of the drastic change happening to me, I called him. "I'm pregnant,"  I sobbed and collapsed on my bed. The silence was deafening. "Really?... It'll be okay," he said, "We've got this." I didn't believe him, because really what did he know?

Turns out they knew a lot. My life wasn't over, and while it hasn't been anything like I thought it'd be, it is all okay. It's hasn't been easy, but it's okay.  

Ten years ago this month I found out I was pregnant with my son.  I was a junior in college and getting ready to study abroad in Spain. My class load was full with 18 credits and being actively involved in my sorority kept me busy. I was a double major with a minor on track to graduate on time. One night changed all that.

Those first couple months were the most difficult.  I felt isolated. Those I thought were friends, turned their backs on me. Family members wouldn't speak to me. I felt stupid. My perception of self was rapidly shifting. I felt judged. I think that was the hardest to deal with, being judged. I was judging myself so harshly that other's words only added to the chaos in my head. However, I was accepted. I felt loved. I had support. Those last three outweighed all the rest. They kept me going.

I finished my junior year, had my son and got married all within three months of each other. Thanks to an amazing mom and a great husband I completed college. I know I couldn't have done it without them.  It wasn't easy, but it was okay.

Sometimes I look at my son and wonder what could have been. At the same time, I would never go back and change a single thing. He is tenacious, fearless, and daring. He tests my patience almost every day. He is kind, thoughtful, and silly. He makes me smile all the time. I can't wait to see the man he will become. 

Life isn't anything like I thought it'd be, but it's okay. And okay as it turns out is pretty darn great.