Emily Schultz : The Power of Saying No


17 April 2016

The Power of Saying No


Do you ever have those parenting moments where there are words just falling out of your mouth and you’re thinking to yourself “I rock at this whole family/parenting thing?” That happened to me a couple months ago. It was right after Christmas, my kids and I were in the car coming home. There was a lot of snotty attitude coming from the back seat. My son was pretty angry over the fact that my husband and I had decided that we were not going to allow him to have the tablet that was sent as a present. I was wavering between losing my cool and using it as a teaching moment.

As a little background to this story we, as parents, decided that our kids would not have electronics of this kind. We have been fairly vocal about our decision to friends and family. When asked if they could have a tablet we have always said no, but we have never really had a reason to explain our decision to the kids. 

(Please know that if your kids have tablets I am totally not judging you or trying to shame you. This is just a decision that we have made and it works for our family)

Tablets were sent to us to give to our kids as a present, we had them in a box in our room, and the kids knew they were there. He really wanted it and I understand why. They are the norm these days and most kids have one. I was left trying to give a better answer to his “why can’t I have it, my friends do” question than “because your dad and I said so.” As much as I love that answer as a parent, it really wasn’t working here. Besides, I was trying really hard to have that teachable moment.

As I was giving him my answer and the words just kept coming, part of my brain was saying “are you listening to this? You need to hear this too.”

I was telling him that by saying no to the tablets, we are saying yes to something else. We are saying yes to you playing outside, we are saying yes to you having a horse, we are saying yes to junior rodeo, we are saying yes to a son who isn’t moody and grouchy when we say it’s time to turn it off (on the rare occasion he has had the opportunity to use one, he is a completely different kid when it is taken away). Every no is a bigger yes to something else…

Every no is a yes to something else. That hit me and got me thinking. What, as a family, are our no’s really saying? What yes is on the other side? We say no all the time, but do we ever stop to think about what we are really saying yes too? There is a power is saying no. That power is the ultimate yes on the other side of the no.

That yes is how we make our family strong. That yes shapes us and molds us into who we are. That yes is where our connections to each other are formed. That yes is how our family is made every day.  

What is your no saying a bigger yes too?

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